I am not going to claim a family budget free of bloat (obviously I am one of the lead bloaters, no matter whose behalf I bloat on) I attempt to limit anything that is too short term impact.
Concerts, especially something as audacious as a national act, were pretty verboten. The tense is correct. On 10.12.13 I went solo to see Pearl Jam and it was as transformative an experience as I’ve had since my children were born.
Already a year and a half into some challenges and any change I made was yielding mixed results. Not committed enough, not the right approach, I couldn’t tell you.
What I can say for sure is I was reminded of the power of a single experience.
My wife can read me like I am a rudimentary reader of the “Run Spot, run” variety. I lobbied (“you need this” -direct quote) for an overpriced bad seat purchase a day or two prior and through the magic of Facebook I had my ticket secured. I actually formulated and shared a Wishlist set. Off he goes.
I parked on Delaware and made the mile plus mosey down Pearl Street. A preshow palaver with a friend and her husband set the tone further and I was ready.
I was in the land of misfit toys of the arena. I had a decent view of the inner workings of stage left. The guy next to me had to head to work at some point. The woman on my left had a fiancé two sections over. The band was late to start. Guy to the right of me was displeased with the first three songs. They rocked me.
Pendulum was the opener. It was my first time hearing it. Haunting, it grabbed me- “This might pass, this might last, this may grow” I didn’t fall into how on the nose that was for me, though I’ve pondered it a time or three since.
The next song is a favorite, Low Light. I am not one to quibble with a well placed F bomb, and to be fair Eddie could’ve been feeling this way this Autumn evening, but “All I feel is calm” would’ve sufficed. Eh, small detail- he was feeling it. Ed Ved was definitely getting smashed throughout the evening, the good kind.
Sometimes was another treat. I took in new (I had yet to listen to Lightning Bolt) and old with delight. Relaxed. Anxious. Both at the same time. No battle. They just were. I just was.
And I am. Better, though worse. More intune, though out of focus to some. That one experience. One year later it still feeds me. It still informs me.
All I feel is fucking calm.