Monthly Archives: November 2012

The Ralph on a late Autumn night- not a place for the sober

I have been attending at least one Bills game a season since 1984.  I think the only reason I was allowed to start going to the stadium at the age of 10 is because, well it wasn’t so rowdy and the place was half full or empty depending on your place on the optimist/pessimist scale.  It was a 2-14 season.  I saw a win.  So the love affair began in earnest.

I have attended a handful of games from a range of buzzed to one memorable (though not totally fondly) experienced sleep deprived and hammered.  For the most part, sober is the way of my walk at a Bills game.  Most of the time, especially home openers, there is a natural high to be had. It is still fine, just not what it once was- but what ever is, eh?

I got lost on my way the stadium because I had to take another route.  I am horrible with directions, sometimes even ones I have followed before, but at night on a foreign path a disaster is likely to occur.  I ended up on Abbott. It was 8:00 and the game was to start at 8:20.  Bad things man, bad things.

Except then I caught a break and made it to the house we park at for Bills games.  After thanking the man I took off for the stadium (about a mile away) at 8:07 with probably the ugliest fast walking gait ever witnessed, but I made it to the gate at 8:17, legs arguing but the faint whiff of that natural high was drifting in.  I got in an enormous line and then it hit me.

Shit, that wasn’t the natural high, that was smell of beer coming out of pores and ignorance was alive… Don’t get me wrong, when I was a more steady drinker I am now I’m sure know I had more than a few Molson moments but standing in the queue to get checked for metal at entrance to the stadium was more raucous than the parking lot scene at Darien Lake when fill in the blank is there.

There was a trio in front of me who were taking advantage of every last second to drink.  I can’t blame them from an economic stand point. I’m not sure how much the in game beer costs, but an in game water or soda is $4.75 or $5. One of the guys got really riled up when the crowd erupted.  He was informed by a more cogent member of our brewed crew that meant we did something well, hooray!  It was McKelvin’s return.  He flashed a shirt he was holding out “Fuck Miami”. I think my “Yeah, well” response bothered him. He scowled and turned around.

Fuck Miami guy started discussing an in line urination. I have a very live and let live approach to most situations, but seeing as I was down hill from this would be uric assassin I was ready to call him on it if I heard piss hit the pavement. Thankfully his crew decided to push their way to the front.

My new drunken “friend” was interesting.  He was unsteady and I received more than a few karmic bumps from him as he swayed like amber waves of grain. He was espousing his feelings on the upcoming Mayan Calender date.  Thankfully Fuck Miami was gone as I am sure it would have been declared “good enough” on the list of reasons to pee right then and there.

After close to 40 minutes waiting to get into the stadium, right after avoiding a confrontation with drunk group number 3 I was in the building.  I made it to my seat weaving through the human traffic in the tunnel like Thurman Thomas… as he probably runs now, but hey I only ended up missing 6 minutes of game time.

It was amazing.  Chan was running the ball… sure there were still 3rd and shorts (including a 3rd and half a foot) where he went empty backfield, but they ran the ball 28 times… where the hell is that every week?

In the game the drunk count was lower, but still effective.  I was told to sit down more than a few times… never mind that everyone in the 23 rows in front of me was standing, I was expected to view heiney. There was no Heiney for me. Stand in the place where you are…

I couldn’t tell if the one guy in front of me was drunk, ill informed or just had odd timing.  Every time the Bills missed a 3rd down conversion he turned to me with hands out and a pained look on his face and said “I can’t believe they didn’t fire Wannstadt in the bye week”.  Indeed sir, indeed.




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Posted by on 11/18/2012 in Gamehenge


Week 11 Bills/Dolphins

I have no prediction for the final score of tonights contest, though I do have one that represents one of the greatest disappointments of this season- the Bills will run the ball fewer than 25 times despite the many reasons tgey should be running it more.

Tashard Choice is an obviously downgrade from Freddy but I can’t see Chan giving Spiller 15 carries and Choice 10. Eight men in the box frightens the Bills to rest their success on Teh Fitz… I like a lot of things about Fitz but he is not a reliable enough passer to put the success of a game on. Add to that the Bills pass into the 10 yard window crowded with the defenders they refuse to challenge with our star running backs running the ball and I started considering pulling my hair out. Of course maybe the Dolphins refuse to stack the box with eight, but Wannstadt is our coach now, not theirs.

It is a Miami game, so I am on my way to The Ralph. It holds half the appeal of the ninties contests at best, but I have a coffee bet with one of the inexplicably numerous Dolphins fans at work so I have a serious rooting interest… It hasn’t gotten that bad for me, but it is on the road.

I hope the team puts forth an effort this game. There are more than a few areas of concern. I will be locked on to the $100 million dollar disappointment to see if he is playing to the whistle… OK it is that bad- my expectation is for players to try. I hope Fitz scores enough for that free cup of Timmy Hortons… Go Bills?

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Posted by on 11/15/2012 in Gamehenge