On top of Tom Petty’s 1989 solo release being one of the first two CD’s I ever purchased- Living Colour’s Vivid album, the one that featured Cult of Personality- I believe that full moon fever can truly affect some people. Not werewolf affectation, but augmented repressed freaky Id in flavor. This belief is informed by years of working the 9PM-5AM shift at Jim’s SteakOut, a popular local I am shitfaced and need food destination here in Buffalo.
Just about every individual whom I encountered that was touched by the draw of the moon was also inebriated, high, mentally ill or some mixture of the three; it didn’t change the fact that the behavior exhibited on full moon nights was to 11 as Spinal Tap would say.
An example you say? Why of course. I can’t remember whether all of the good stories were on full moons, but this one was.
Around 3 AM one Tuesday night a couple came in asking to order. Now it should have been apparent that we were a bit swamped at the time, but it didn’t matter to Mr. Important and Ms. Important. They were hungry you see… unlike every other person in the, um restaurant…
The manager Bob told them just a minute. Mr. Important disagreed. He grabbed one of the new security cameras that was hanging far too low to have been well thought out in placement and turned it to his face telling it what he wanted to order. In the course of this comedic display Mr. Important broke the camera.
Bob told him he would have to pay for it. Mr. Important disagreed. He also wanted to order. Ms. Important was backing her man. Bob figured, sure I will take your order and I will have the cops stop by while we make it.
Halfway into making Mr. Important’s order – A Jefferson sub, no onions (a Jefferson is steak, sausage, onion, cheese and special sauce)- Mr. Important had an epiphany. He wanted his money back. Bob, a seasoned veteran of absurd encounters, stalled the man, and just as Mr. Important was about to leave, no food and no money, the Buffalo Police came in.
Mr. Important was taken over to the dining area. Ms. Important immediately became loud and belligerent… uh oh… Another car pulled up, then two more after. There were five officers in the store and they decided to take Ms. Important outside, to a glass alcove on Allen Street that was the front of the store.
Mr. Important looked really nervous. He offered to pay for the camera. He was on parole. Ms. Important was getting loud enough that we could make out her words through the glass. All eyes were on the window. She started backing up and ended up slapping an officer. She was taken down, her body hitting the glass hard enough to violently shake the heavy duty window.
This ended around quarter to four in the morning when the police cars pulled away with two occupants. I went outside to smoke a cigarette. Across the street there was a collection of the local crackheads. They were scoping out a very nice car. One guy would walk up, try and look in the tinted windows (maybe he had killer vision?) and he then walked away. The next guy walked up and tested the door. His face lit up. Over the course of the next 10 minutes they were like sharks in chummy water. Mr. Important’s ride was stripped clean.
The best song on the album Vivid by the way-